OMG Craiglist
I've done it now. I've taken that first step into the unknown. I've put a personal advert on Craiglist. I feel as though I'm copping out and I should try a little more. If I put more effort in it will work. I know it will, I've read every relationship website I can find and quite a few of the books they peddle. They all say that putting the hours in brings it's rewards.
I know that if I change he has to change as well. And for a while I thought it was going to work. We have been living back together now for about a year. To start off it was very rocky, there was no trust, but gradually it got better and then it was great. I remember commenting to a friend that if someone told me my relationship could be so good a few months before I would not have believed them. I know it was good because we were having sex. It was still only in bed, and only in the mornings, but it was a lot of mornings. Having sex makes everyone feel better, I read sex is like a barometer for the relationship. I think I also read that it has a cyclical effect, so if things aren't going too well, but you force yourself into having sex, those feel good emotions get activated and things improve out of the bedroom as well.
Then it got bad, and it happened quickly. He went away on holiday. I was pleased he did, it was somewhere he wanted to go and I didn't. He had a great time, and I enjoyed being home. When he got back he was awful; distant, moody and surly. Thinking back now I wonder if maybe he met someone there, a one night stand or something and felt guilty when he returned.
We have had (sort of) sex recently. As he never comes anywhere near me outside of bed (and only in bed when he's horny), I find it difficult to get in the mood in the time we have. Given my analogy above though that having sex improves everything, I try to put mind over matter and get into the swing of things. A couple of weeks ago he turns to me in the morning, below is a diagram of the foreplay.
The red indicates his hand movements. That was it, there was nothing
else, no talking, no kissing, just his hand on some of my erogenous
zones. I couldn't get turned on enough to enjoy penetration. If it did
improve anything outside of bed, I wasn't aware of it.
We don't often argue, we rarely have cross words, but through this week there was an altercation. He really blew up at me, which is very unusual for him, and I usually let this sort of thing go, and just calm the waters, but he shouted at me, and called me useless etc, and I got really pissed off. So we didn't speak for a couple of days. He tried to talk to me the next morning, but for once I stuck to my guns and was having none of it. I was waiting for an apology. I don't know how long we would not have conversed before I got an apology, long enough for us both to have forgotten what the argument was about I suspect. I hate the discomfort and atmosphere so gave in, and we are back to 'normal'. This morning he was still asleep when i got in the shower ( I fond I want to get out of bed early these days). He was awake when I went back into the bedroom, "how about a fondle before you get dressed" he says. I reply "tempting, I'm having to hold myself back from that delicious offer," and left him to his right hand.
Categories: Relationship, Sex