How can you tell if a drowning woman is codependent?
I am slowly coming around to the realisation that in fact this problem is mine as much as my OH's. I always felt responsible and tried to change things about my behavior to affect change in him. But now I'm realising that the person I need to change is me.
Because I am confident outgoing person, I thought I was OK/together/with it. The reading I've done has really opened my eyes to the gaping hole inside of me where my self esteem should be. I can understand with hindsight why it might be there but trying to plug it up is a different matter altogether. The reading has helped especially the beautiful book Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything I have seen a counselor for a few weeks, I would have thought after this length of time that i would feel some benefit from that and maybe I am, but it;s not something I can substantiate but i;m going to see it through. I've been attending a group from the victims of domestic abuse. I still feel a bit out of place there as it is difficult to see my OH as abusive although he has certainly done abusive things, (and so have I), reading this through I am obviously still of a mindset to excuse, rationalise and justify that abuse of me. I'd like to get past that. The womens group is great and very supportive, and yesterday I went to my fist al anon meeting, not because I live with an alcoholic my OH barely drinks, but many years ago I lived with someone who was, and my type of personality or behaviour I think is best described by the term codependence. I have carried on the traits of over compensating for others.
I'm still reading...lots, books to help me are my Christmas presents to myself, and much though I'd have liked to have a quick fix, I appreciate I'm in for the long haul.
..oh, the answer to the above, some else's life passes before her eyes.
Categories: Family, Relationship