Living with a Passive Aggressive Man

I am slowly coming around to the realisation that in fact this problem is mine as much as my OH's. I always felt responsible and tried to change things about my behavior to affect change in him. But now I'm realising that the person I need to change is me.

Because I am confident outgoing person, I thought I was OK/together/with it. The reading I've done has really opened my eyes to the gaping hole inside of me where my self esteem should be. I can understand with hindsight why it might be there but trying to plug it up is a different matter altogether. The reading has helped especially the beautiful book Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything I have seen a counselor for a few weeks, I would have thought after this length of time that i would feel some benefit from that and maybe I am, but it;s not something I can substantiate but i;m going to see it through. I've been attending a group from the victims of domestic abuse. I still feel a bit out of place there as it is difficult to see my OH as abusive although he has certainly done abusive things, (and so have I), reading this through I am obviously still of a mindset to excuse, rationalise and justify that abuse of me. I'd like to get past that. The womens group is great and very supportive, and yesterday I went to my fist al anon meeting, not because I live with an alcoholic my OH barely drinks, but many years ago I lived with someone who was, and my type of personality or behaviour I think is best described by the term codependence. I have carried on the traits of over compensating for others.

I'm still reading...lots, books to help me are my Christmas presents to myself, and much though I'd have liked to have a quick fix, I appreciate I'm in for the long haul.

..oh, the answer to the above, some else's life passes before her eyes.

Categories: Family, Relationship

...my fuckwit husband has to go and get all up his own arse.

Everything has been going OK. Well as OK as it has been over the last few years. I went to visit my mum, (I go about once a week and stay one to two hours). When I got back he had gone out with our 12 year old to pick blackberries. I love very little more than free food, so was very happy about this. I'd been a to work all week so took the opportuity to clean the bathroom, our bedroom and put some laundry through. Just about then, they came back. Dave started straight away to make apple and blackberry crumble, we got the apples free as well :). He asked if I would make some jam with the rest of it. So I got on with that (I just have to put the ingredients in, the breadmaker actually makes the jam).

It was getting late and dinner wasn't started, the sink was full of dirty dishes, and the dishwasher full of clean. I opened the dishwasher to empty it and this was the first sign that I was DOING SOMETHING WRONG... he banged the door shut, and thinking it was best to get out of the way until he was finished I went and sat with my son. Dave finishes what he is doing and clears the dishes out of the sink, then comes to find me, and says,

"aren't you going to bother with dinner tonight then".

I reply in my sweetest voice, "of course honey, I was just waiting for you to finish in the kitchen"

"thats right, somehow it's my fault that dinner isn't ready."

Now I start to get a little pissed, but head into the kitchen and get some further abuse, normally, in my good little wifey way, I'd apologise at this point try to calm the waters and make the dinner.

But, when he followed up his tirade with, "what sort of a mother are you?"

I have to admit, I let rip, "fuck it," says I, "I don't have to listen to this shit, I'm going to the fish shop".

I'm ashamed to admit that the kids heard this, and I know they hate to hear us arguing. We don't have cross words very often, but it still upsets them.

In my womanly way I go around and around this conversation and I can not for the life of me figure out where it came from. When I got back he was sat in the sitting room with a family size packet of crisps, me and the kids ate our fish and chips which were lovely.

Categories: Family, Relationship